rebuild or keep 'as is'.

i never thought i'd write about this again. but certain things come back to haunt certain people. now, whether or not this is a 'haunting' or just one of those things. . . i just want to make it clear that there is no hate here. nowhere. it's purely strange and unsettling based on the past experiences and the past conversations and past almost-happenings. and maybe i'm just using this as an excuse to write again. i like the fact that i have been able to build, destroy, and rebuild friendships. they may not be what they were, but they are what they are, and i take pride in that. i seem to live in a certain pattern that allows me to distance myself from people i admire or love in any way and return to them, or have them return to me and have it be ok at the least. but.. other times. it never makes it's way to 'ok' and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. so, that's it. it's all okay. one way or the other. if not, i know it will be.